Oh yeah

I am the type of girl who dates the type of guys who leaves to go fishing with his buddies and comes homes on mushrooms. I am the kind of girl Who dates the kind of guys Who never really wanted it In the first place I am the type of girl Who leaves the type of guys Who would sell their kidney Just to buy me what I want But I am the type of girl Smart enough to realize, I am the type of girl Who can't pick her type in men.

you ashole.. cant you see she is crying?

you fucker
didnt you know
i can already see the twists

i can always see the twists

she is crying
you are kissing her
she is crying
she is up against the wall and she is screaming
you are kissing you
why cant you hear her scream
why cant you see she is crying

you are kissing her.

stop reminding me that failed

hello
this is my names
this is my face
i reject you
nice to meat you

i told you
i told you
i FUCKING told you
i told me
nothing would come of it
nothing would fucking come of it

stop your fuckign dreaming
if you want to end up happy
stop building fuckign castles

stop fuckign dreaming

I FUCKING TOLD YOU

stop you goddamned crying

your suposed to be strong you purile brat

you cannot be strong and the victim at the same time

broken is not beautiful



they only want to fuck you .

so do it and move on already,
and for god sakes quit you fucking crying.

silly little sad girl

its seven am ... is she really doing this all over again , her blank stare at the wall begs yes while the tears streaking her skin prove its true... sept this time its not a boy .. this time its her life.

her mind is spinning in a deleriouse babble, ranting about how she never got to fit in how she never had a best friend , how her life was full of just being that girl, the new one , the odd one , the tag along to the already long formed group...

she doesnt try to fix it , years of childhood can not be fixed when you were never legitimatly wronged. shes 20, shes a big girl now. a big girl who doesnt have a license or a job that will give her enough hours. a stupid little girl who cries to herself all the time and chastizes herself, im a goddamned big girl. act like it.

she sits up, she wipes her face and finds something worth being seen in . she leaves, out the front door out to find people. she walks a good fourty minutes to the nearest store. kicking herself half the way for being a 20 yr old who cant drive and being secretly releived that all this walking has kept her a reasonable size.
in the store. her face is streaked she looks tired and wronged. out the sto-

she looks up and there he is,who is? he is. barely recognizable but deffinitly him. the sweetheart from highschool, the one guy who she never pursued but kept a flame for. and he looks so different.

so .. new. so perfect for starting over.








i wish i could write my life.

to scared to run

he walks by .. she knows she has to do something at least... she chases him down and tells hiom how sorry she is .. being obliviouse to every thign .. praying it will wash over and fall away ... she smiles and tells him every thign ... she tells him good bye and gives him a hug ... she feels him kiss her hair ... everything crubles...
everythign was goign perfect till some one pulled her name out of the hat...

cinderella poem

im your fuckign cinderella...
do ur dirty work ..
clean your dishes..
fold your cloths..
im your fucking cinderella ...
i do your dirty work
you forget slowly how you do it ..
forget how to do it your self
im your fuckign cinderella..
do you dirty work
in a year ill be gone
you never taught him
im you fuckign cinderella ..
doing you dirty owrk ..
you spoiled him rotten ..
somethign youll regret
your fucking cinderella..
and your fuckign dirty work ..
you'll live hopelss..
alomst enough to miss
your fuckign cinderella ..
left with your fuckign dirty work

cinderella

they woudlnt stop screaming her name .... over and over and over.... why wont they stop .. hasnt she delt with them enough right now ... she never wants to think of college again ... they love to make her feel hopeless.. no wonder she doesnt want to go .... she stumbles into the room .. yes? ... go do the laundry and then the dishes need to get put away then fill the dish washer.... she looks over ... and michaels no where to be found.. she feels hopeless.. wheres michael!? ... just short of tell him to doi it ... she slams around the kitchen a bit .. her mom laughs... hopeless.. her teeth are griting hgard.. she has hot tears in her eyes... so much hate ... no need for it .. why does she have to deal with them right now ... she washes the dishes by hand ..... the watters hot .. she likes it ...... it gets hotter..... it feels better then being numb inside... she feels them burn ... the dishes are done .. she disapears.. the fone rings... maybe thiers hope

time stretch

she goes back into zombi mode... its all she can do when shes liek this ... constantly yellin g.... its all her fault .. nothing is good enough ... she wants to curl up and be 6 again .. mommy my stomach hurts... mommy i want to take a nap again .... she folds the laundry dont forget the bath rooms.... thier is no soul behind her eyes... something is wrong with her... she stumbles up stairs with the cloths ... its going to be a long night .. and all she wanted was a 3 hour bath and to finish her book .... o well she sighs and does what needs to be done ...




tori , logans on the fone and he sais its important... she tries to open her eyes....she didnt hear the fone ring ... what ? ..... logans on the fone and he sais its important... her fones dead.. she runs down stairs and picks up the fone ... hey its logan im gonna kill my self what do u think about that ? .... what do u want danny? ..... she sighs... its gonna be a long dai todai too ... how do u knwo its me ? .... i have caller id u idiot... she sighs... eventually ryan gets on the fone and confesses his love for her .. and the fact hes drunk ..and on a cell fone ... the little things amuse him ... she wants to cry ... for a minute she wanted to love him back ... but then she rememebred why she hated him .. and that it isnt last yr ne more .. he isnt as good as she thought he was ... he was worthless... he sputters on some more ... uh huh .. yea .. what ever ... she wants to scream at him and tell him to get a life.. she did .. and she got a boyfriend... he shoudl hurry up and get over her.... she hates drunks.. he never was liek this ... she hates his cusion ... he had a chance at beign a decent person .... he tells her he'll call her back .. she sais no you wont... and click ... she goes back to sleep ... her parents didnt ... she wakes up to them being angry and cranky ... their goign to block the number... she just wants to leave... and quick .. next year she will be happy...


todai is better than yesterdai


every thing isperfect, only if i want it to be

midnight depression

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11:56 pm
there would be candle holders smashed in the corner of my room against the walls there a deck of cards flown across the flor nothing in my room would be taller than my bed .. you wouldnt be able to walk in here.. i would be long gone, no one woudl be able to say they dont care, every one owuld have to know why ... every one owuld never know .. they cant look at me and see that im tell ing the truth i cant stand being here ... i would leave if i had money or a place to go ... i would go find an apartment if i had a license or a car...

my brother would never see me again ... he'd never be an uncle..


id kill my self if it was worth not seeing what happens tomarrow

paint ur lips paint ur face paint around that empty space

she goes to bed at night ... she remebers who she is .. she promises she'll let herself shine .... clean off the black smears of mascara... she really has beautiful eyes.. shes goes to sleep tryign to forget her problems .. emotions ares o easily manipulated so wispers.. u mussnt cry ... why do somethign that will only make u hurt .. emotions are for babys... ur grown life isnt over ... ull survive... never cry ... away sshe drifts... she awakes in the morning forgeting everything ... to worried about gettign more sleep and not missing the bus.... he mom yells... shes bitter again .... she hates life again ... lets cover it up ... lets make it pretty... thiers no time .. she tosses the make up in her bag ... drags her self to the bus stop cussing and mutter .. then weezing and hopeing shes not to late... on the bus no one cares ne more .. they used to watch her do it .. now she paints over herself.. puts up the sheild in peace.. no one cares... no one knows... she gets to school and its the same story a few welcome her a few care ... or atleast pretend to and say hello sweetheart.... pretend.... she ghost from class to class ur mask blurs her face and no one knows how quick she is to tear her wrists to peices... she gets home ... all she wants to do is sleep ...... she makes dinner and fold laundry instead .. she wants to tear even harder...... its amazing thier are very few scars to show when she was weaker with this emotion ..... shes screaming to deaf ears so she stops... she still needs help ... the chiken is done she feeds every one her food... its not good enough .... her mom lets her know .. she wanders thruogh the rest of the day and goes to her bed tryign to forget her problems.. u mussnt cry .. emotions are for babys

giving in

"go to hell.." she mutters as she stagars away.
"whatever you fuckign dyke! at least im a fucking decent person and i dont hang all over that faggot"
she winces.... hes not a faggot ..
shes numb to most of the words.. shes pretty sure he is too ... she cant help but want to defend him
she walks away and stumbles behind the bathrooms... he shows up ... hey sweetie! whats wrong?
she rolls her eyes up to look at him .... she falls lifeless against the wall ... "nothing .. " she mutters "close minded people suck is all " ... he says ok and kisses her forehead and bounces away.... i coud stay here for a week ... no one would care... i wish i didnt love him so much she winces as her stomach starts to hurt... she climbs up the wall... every one she knows is playing on the feild... i hate thier coach .. thier never good enough for him ... she wanders to the bleachers ... clutching her stomach ... i dont think i relized how hard he hit me .. she leans on the fence .... she looks down onto her lap ...... blood.... the world spins... leaning her head back she closes her eyes... the last thing she hears is some one calling for help .... some one makign a remark and a wince in the band...

the show must go on

interuption

she blinks and tosses the fone on the bed.. the song she has for him comes on ... it feels obscean.. who calls at 5:50 in the morning to tell u hes drunk and hangs up ?....maybe it wasnt him ... every one knows she knows a logan ... some people dont like him ... hmm ... the fone rings... hello ? ... hello .. hello .. hi ? ... tori ? .. yea......... im just calling ot let you know uve won 2 free movie rentals and u can pick them up ... muttering ... what? heloo .. ? click ... no number..... coincidence?..... doesnt matter im awake now... she stumbles down the stairs and wonders if it will happen again .. I sounded liek that girl she talked to yesterdasy ... how woudl she have my number.... yea im the idiot for plastering it online..... sigh .. no worries.. im awake now.. *stretch **yawn*........ time to go ..

inocence

...what happend? she scrunches her nose and giggles a little tryign to be as cute as possible .. he sputters and spits out the punch line .. looking totally pleased with him self .. she wants him to wrap his arms around her shoulders .. to smile and scrunch up his nose and kiss her .. he laughs a little at his joke and looks out the window ... she leans her head back and sighs .. this sucks just as much as if he didnt know i existed... i dint like him 2 weeks ago .. *sigh* he sees somethign out the window and points and makes some sort of loud yelp laugh thing .. reality come screaching back .. confusing her .. she plays along .. she plays her games.. the games were over at fifteen ... why am i doing it for him .. make him grow up and be at my level ... she looks around .. even 17 yr olds are below her level .. she plays her games .. no one will care next yr..

drug money

hi is *he* there? ... she trys to control her breathing while she waits for him to come to the fone ...what if im being to foreward.. what if it ment nothing to him .... what if i was used... hello? hey .. guess who? she bounces into the fone... hey! whats up ? .. they jabber on about pretty much nothing .. a slight tension in the air ... shes alwais been good about ruining things by tearing up the tension and asking exactly what she wants to know .. or tryign to atleast...so uh ... fridai ... did u have fun ? .. yea... silence... she blurts clumsily into the fone about how he was a good kisser .. then asked how she was tryign to ease the mood .. they continued down the path of subjects that caused them to be the most uncomfortable... this is what they ment by akward teen yrs... but she is almost an adult.. she sighs inside... her mom walks in and starts to yell ... i have to go ill talk to you tomarrow... bye.. she feels guilty she had him so close to finding out how he felt..


she sprints over to him pretending to be right be hind him the whole time .. hey starshine she beams at him ... how did he get so cute.. when did she become so stuck on him ... why cant she get away... she hugs him ... imediatly she feels like shes imposing herself... well i have to go now by! she bounces awai ... i wish he would make the doubt go awai .......
she picks up the fone ... dont call him yet .. are you out of ur mind... wait... he prolly isnt even home yet... wait.. she starts to drift awai ... the beeps the foine abit .. then decides to wait some more... finally she dials his number... they talk and shes worried.. she doesnt want to loose him as a friend either... he explains the situation a bit .. she wants to cry .. and be held... shes scared... she knows even if she can have him she has to deal with her parents... i still want him she defiantly repeats in her mind... trust my intuition ... its a good thing ....


she feels guilty every time she gets off the fone with him .... she worries to much .. o well she sighs...

drug

so howd u do on that quiz? her mind wanders but she knows exactly her goal ... she continues to mumble on small talk .. he pops up behind her... her attention is compleatly his... she doesnt relize what a drug he is .. her heart speeds up ... hey sweetie whats up ? ... he looks over her shoulder .. whos he? ... she snaps back a little.... no one .. some one froim my class... she sputters a bit... be good .. he needs all your attention ... be good.. she rmemebers shrugging cody off for the past to mornings... after what he said on the fone thta night she cant help but feel guilty ... all of her attention ... all for him ... the drug... she feels her face flush .. she wants to kiss him ... she looks over to him .. he pulls out a note.. hey this is for you .. what is it? ... a poem ... lettter... thing... um .. ye a.. o .. she looks down .. then she wants to hug him some more.. tryign to ignore the fact thier standing in a cafeteria .. surounded by people trying to tear them apart.. she rubs him with her nose .. she feels more playfull... he laughs and says she reminds him of his cat and hugs her... she smiles... life is better ... she has to leave to go to class... she reads the letter all the way there and at least 5 time after she gets there... she smiles for days... life is better... much much better